You already have what it takes to attract men. You don’t need to be anyone but yourself.
But many women have a difficult time harnessing the power of what relationship expert, Kara Oh, refers to in her highly recommended guide, Men Made Easy, as feminine grace. And even if you do realize how to use your own femininity to attract men, not understanding what men want and how they think will leave you utterly confused and feeling hopeless that you’ll never find “the one”.
One single blog post can’t give you all the answers, but read to the end and you’ll be well on your way to knowing how to make a guy want you and how to get him to fall in love with you so he never wants to leave. By the end, you’ll have a better appreciation for and understanding of why a man does what he does and how you can use this knowledge to influence him to your advantage.
What Men Want In A Relationship – Understanding Men And Their Differences
Relationship doctor, Bob Grant, makes a powerful statement in the opening of his book, What’s He Really Thinking, when he states, “When you appreciate men for their differences, it makes men more willing to allow you to influence them.”
There’s little doubt that men and women think differently and see the world from two entirely different perspectives. Men expect to be influenced by women when they are in a relationship and they even WANT to be influenced by you, but there’s a right way and a wrong way to go about trying to influence a man if you want to become irresistible to him.
To start, you must rid your mind of (or at least become aware of) the perception biases you currently have about men. According to Bob Grant, “A perception bias is where you see something based on your own way of thinking, and you then impose that belief onto other people or situations.” Common perception biases many women have about men are:
All men are stubborn and only care about themselves
Men only care about sex
Men don’t want to commit or get married
Men will cheat if they get the chance
Men are mean and aren’t empathetic or sincere
Let’s face it. There ARE men who are stubborn. There ARE men who focus solely on the sexual aspect of relationships. There ARE men who never plan to get married, who cheat, and who are narcissistic, but if you hold onto these biases that may have developed from your past relationships, then it will make it extremely hard to open your mind to finding a man who will open his heart and give you the world.
Chances are, your past experiences are NOT the norm.
11 Things Men Want In A Woman That Can Make You Utterly Irresistible To Him
Below you’ll find 11 traits you should work on developing if you want to get a guy to notice you and keep him interested for the long haul.
1.) Be Vulnerable At The Risk Of Getting Hurt
Men love a woman who is vulnerable and open to love. Remember what we said earlier about holding on to perception biases?
If your past relationships have caused you to hold back or put up a wall, then it’s going to be extremely difficult to become an irresistible woman. You’re already at a disadvantage because you’re putting off a vibe that tells men, “I’ll only let you get so close.”
“Most people are terrified of getting hurt. They have elaborate ways of protecting themselves – ways that keep them safe, but unsatisfied. It’s not that they want to be alone; they just don’t know how to be vulnerable and safe at the same time. In an effort to protect their heart, they inadvertently doom themselves to loneliness.”
A man wants a woman who is vulnerable, yet strong: a woman who trusts herself, believes in herself, and knows she is worthy of and open to love.
2.) Make Him Feel Good
What makes a man select one woman over another often boils down to how she makes him feel. It’s not how beautiful she is. It’s not how smart she is or how rich her parents are. At the end of the day, the most irresistible woman is the one who makes a man feel good.
Men have an extremely difficult time dealing with their own feelings so when you make a man feel good, you allow him to access feelings he’s rarely able to express. It forces him to want to spend time with you on a deep level he’s rarely even consciously aware of.
Your smile, softness, femininity, and nurturing instincts can be extremely powerful when you want to attract a guy and are all weapons you can use to please a man and make him feel good.
3.) Be His Complement, Not His Equal
What men want in a woman is someone who is their complement, not their “equal”. Trying to be a man’s equal creates competition and resentment in a relationship. The same is true if a man tries to be a woman’s equal. This may not make sense at first glance, so let’s look at some examples to help clarify the point.
Men and women are designed to be complements, not “equals”. In other words, men are designed to excel in certain areas of a relationship (administration, logical thinking, etc.), and women are also designed to excel in different areas of a relationship (nurturing, emotions, etc.). The abilities are equal, but they are DIFFERENT AND COMPLEMENTARY abilities.
If a man views you as equal (e.g. being the same as him), then he will treat you like a man and you’ll probably get respect, but you probably won’t get much affection physically or emotionally. You must trust him enough to give up some of your power in the relationship where he is designed to excel. In return, you’ll get a man who will give up some of his own power and allow you to influence him in ways that will establish greater intimacy and closeness over time.
4.) You Don’t Need Him, But Don’t Let Him Know That
The truth is, you DON’T need a man in your life to be happy. As a strong, independent, confident woman you can stand on your own two feet and get through life just fine. But you shouldn’t let a man know that if you want to keep a guy interested.
Men want to be with a woman who needs them on more than just a superficial level. A man wants to feel like he’s your hero and your protector. If he feels he offers nothing to the relationship that you couldn’t have on your own, then he will leave.
Make an effort to be beautiful inside and out. Men are genetically wired to be attracted to you physically. Don’t let this opportunity to attract a man go to waste.
If you take a look around, you’ll often discover men don’t marry “perfect” women. That’s because looks alone aren’t enough to make a guy fall in love with you. However, they can be important because your physical appearance is the first thing a guy will notice about you.
Emphasize your beautiful qualities. Even if you’re overweight or think you’re unattractive for one reason or another, you have beautiful qualities.
It could be your curves. It could be your eyes, your lips, your legs, or any other physical feature. The point is you’re beautiful just the way you are and being comfortable in your own skin and making a man feel at ease when he’s around you because you’re at ease with yourself is what really matters.
6.) A Smile Can Melt A Man’s Heart
Studies repeatedly show that a woman who smiles is infinitely more attractive to men than one who doesn’t.
A smile puts a man at ease. It tells a man you’re approachable. It tells a man you’re confident and happy: the exact type of woman a man wants. It strokes a man’s ego and makes him feel like you are pleased with him. It makes him feel more like a man.
And, remember, how you make a guy feel is the most important factor in getting a guy to like you and ultimately fall for you.
When you smile, don’t hold back. Act as though you’re super excited to see him. After all, you are, aren’t you?
7.) Confidence Is Sexy
We’ve already touched on confidence a little bit, but it’s importance can’t be overstated.
Always be yourself. If you don’t love yourself, how can you expect any man to love you?
Guys LOVE confident, independent women. Just remember not to be OVERLY independent or you’ll make him feel like he’s not needed. The trick is to find a balance between making your man feel needed without making him feel like you’re clinging to him.
Remember, an average looking, confident woman will always be more irresistible to men than an insecure, needy “10”.
8.) Men Want A Woman Who Makes Them Feel Successful
Men crave success. It’s at the core of their being. Long ago, it was the successful hunter who survived. Today’s man is no different.
Men are judged by how successful they are just like women are often judged by how beautiful they are. Is it fair? Of course not, but that doesn’t make it any less real.
Therefore, men want to be successful in everything they do. It’s the reason they’re competitive at sports. It’s the reason they work long hours, sometimes at the expense of time with the family. It’s the reason they want to be your protector, provider, and the best lover you’ve ever had.
Understanding men and their need to be successful is key to keeping a man around. Compliment him and find ways to make him feel successful in everything he does, and he’ll reward you through loyalty, love, passion, and romance.
9.) Be A Flirt
Irresistible women know how to flirt. They know how to use words and body language to attract a man and turn a guy on.
Flirting is much like a smile. It lets a man know you’re interested. It tells a man you accept him and are pleased with him. It makes a man feel at ease around you, thereby making you more approachable and increasing the chance a guy will ask you out.
If you’re shy, or if flirting just doesn’t come naturally to you, this flirting guide can be a big help.
10.) Loyalty, Support, And Understanding
Keep in mind that loyalty, support, and understanding are all key to winning a man’s heart. A man wants a woman who is faithful and who will be there to support him throughout the relationship.
Men are simply drawn to the smart, loyal, kind, nurturing girl with the secret, raging horny side that only he gets to see behind closed doors.
Derek Maak has been writing about relationships for as long as he can remember. He hopes to bring more passion, romance, intimacy, desire, and FUN to every interaction with your loved one. Connect with Derek on Twitter, Facebook, and Google +.