I’ve always been passionate about relationships.
And one topic I’m particularly passionate about is teaching women how to understand men better.
Explaining what men want in a woman and relationships is a topic I love because I feel like women are bombarded every single day with “misinformation” that only confuses them about men or lowers their self esteem and makes them feel like they aren’t good enough or pretty enough to get the man they want.
And when you lose confidence in yourself, it’s almost impossible to find and keep a good man.
Why Your Everyday Women’s Magazine Is A Perfect Example
Let’s take the cover of a typical women’s magazine (like the ones you probably LOVE reading) as an example.
First, there’s always a provocative picture of a drop-dead gorgeous celebrity with the perfect body. Any flaws she may have are always “photoshopped” or airbrushed out. This teaches women they have to be perfect and flawless to be desired by men.
Second, one of the cover stories almost always talks about diets, weight loss, or exercise routines. Think headlines like, “5 Ways To Thin Up Your Thighs For Summer” or “The Celebrity Weight Loss Secret That Will Help You Shed 10 Pounds In 2 Weeks” or “The Breakthrough Discovery That Will Give You The Sexy Bikini Butt Your Girlfriends Would Die For”. This teaches women that men only want and desire skinny swimsuit models and helps crush the self esteem of any woman who isn’t a size 4 or smaller.Third, the next cover story you’re likely to encounter is probably something about sex. “The Top 10 Ways To Turn Your Man On And Have Him Begging For More” or “The Secret Sex Games That Give Your Man Extreme Ecstasy And Will Make Him Yours Forever” or “The Never Before Revealed Dirty Talk Secrets That Will Make You A Sex Goddess Overnight.”
So why do magazines do this? Because celebrities, weight loss, and sex fascinate people.
They make money. They sell magazines. But they give women a really horrible perception of what men really want.
It’s certainly not your fault, but when you base your entire perception of men on what you read in these magazines (like many women do) then you come to the conclusion that what men want in a woman is an attractive super model with the perfect body who spends 20 hrs of the day at the gym, eats nothing but crackers and water, and has the sex drive of a pygmy chimpanzee (bonobo) (crazy to think that humans aren’t the most sexual beings on the planet, isn’t it?).
In other words, if you’re smoking hot and unbelievable in the bedroom, then you can catch and keep any many you want. This is absolutely untrue.
I’m not saying these things don’t matter to men, but no man will fall in love with you or want to spend the rest of his life with you based on these things alone. Click here if you want to know what really makes a man commit to a woman long term.
When it comes to attracting men, it’s not about one personal characteristic that you may or may not have. It comes down to the total package. This principle is one of the most powerful dating secrets in the world and if you remember anything from this article, remember this…
It’s like a round of golf. You may have sucked and been horrible on individual holes, but if your overall score is good, you win. Likewise, when it comes to attracting men, having a lot of good qualities will always TRUMP having just one or two AMAZING qualities and a bunch of bad ones.
And that’s precisely why you shouldn’t worry or let your self esteem drop if you’re not a perfect “10” on the hotness scale, are shy and reserved in the bedroom, or are unable to fit into a size 0 mini skirt.
Explaining what men want in a relationship is a vast topic that’s impossible for me to cover in just one blog post, but there are some really great resources out there that I highly recommend if you’re tired of drama filled relationships and truly want to understand men. This is one of my favorites.
With that being said, let me go over a few quick things that matter to men when it comes to finding a woman they would walk barefoot over broken glass to be with.
6 Things Men Want In Relationships
Here are 6 things that matter to men. Keep in mind this list is in no particular order.
1.) A Woman Who “Complements” A Man, Not One Who He “Completes”
One of the most damaging movie lines ever to the psyche of women was the most famous line from Jerry Maguire. Do you remember it? It was when Tom Cruise said, “You complete me.” My friend, Paige Parker, talks about it here in this video.
What men want is a woman who is a complete person on her own. In Girl Gets Ring, a guide that teaches women how to get total devotion and commitment from a man, author TDub Jackson calls this, “being a whole person in the present” and goes on to say…
“Understanding that if you feel like you need someone to complete you (see phase 1) your odds of attracting and being attracted to a jerk skyrocket. The antidote is to be completely okay with the woman you are without a partner. Desiring a partner who is complementary is fine and is HEALTHY and is the foundation of making good decisions (even with all that chemistry bubbling) about whom you choose to spend the rest of your life with.”
Men want a woman who has her own life and who can be happy with or without him. Guys want a woman to be their “complement” (not to be confused with compl-i-ment, although guys like those too).
They don’t want a relationship where they have to “complete” a woman. They don’t want a woman who they feel like they have to “entertain”.Guys want to know they can go hang out with their buddies and you’re not going to complain about being stuck at home with nothing to do or start grilling him about why he didn’t take you with him. They want you to have a life that doesn’t revolve around spending every waking minute with them.
Always remember, you WANT a man in your life. You don’t NEED a man in your life.
Incomplete women have low self esteem, lack confidence, and tend to be needy, clingy, and totally insecure. Talk about total man repellant.
I’d be lying and doing everyone a huge injustice if I said men don’t like sex or left it off the list. The truth is most men love sex and knowing how to touch a guy and turn him on is a great skill to have.
But remember, sex is just one small factor. Most men are completely capable of sleeping with a woman they have no emotional attachment to, so if you’re thinking about sleeping with a guy to get him to like you or to keep him around, DON’T!
His willingness to sleep with you isn’t an indicator that he’s “totally into you”. Just being great at sex will never make a man fall in love and commit to you long term.
Oh, and did I mention most women love sex too. People tend to forget this for some reason.
3.) A Woman With Motherly Instincts
Call it DNA. Call it biology. Call it whatever you want, but men do think about this sort of thing.
Do you have what it takes to be a good mother? Are you loving and nurturing? Do you care about people? Do you treat people with respect or say nasty things behind their back and try to start a bunch of drama?
Guys take notice of this sort of thing and it can make a difference in whether he perceives you as “just another fling” or “the one”. We don’t want you to treat us like a baby, but we do love to be nurtured.
Intelligence, just like confidence, is SUPER SEXY.
Don’t hide your intelligence, but don’t flaunt it over your man either or you could intimidate him. If you’re acting like Sheldon from the Big Bang Theory, then you may need to tone it down a little.
5.) A Woman With Similar Interests
This one is pretty self explanatory, but you’re more likely to catch the attention of a man who has similar interests to you. This doesn’t mean a guy wants a woman who likes EVERYTHING he does. In fact it’s great when you can share new experiences with each other.
But obviously if a man’s favorite thing in the world is being up in the mountains snowboarding and you absolutely can’t stand the snow, then there’s the potential for a lot of conflict in the relationship no matter how much you like each other.
And, as a word of caution, I don’t recommend pretending to like something a guy likes just to get him interested in you. This strategy never works out long-term. But here’s one that does.
6.) A Woman Who Won’t Judge
Ok, I’ll admit, guys have a lot of strange interests and passions. We do stupid stuff (get a bunch of us together and it’s even worse).
In fact, sometimes our ideas are completely silly and make no sense whatsoever. But we want a woman who will support us and believe in us anyway (even if we suddenly want to become a rock star at age 45).
Guys have a deep biological need to be successful. It’s why we compete at…well…EVERYTHING. And most of us feel judged all the time.
So when we have a woman by our side who comforts and makes us feel safe to be ourselves (regardless of our passion) rather than judging us, saying how disappointed she is, or making us feel stupid, then she becomes addicting.
Of course, use some good common sense here. If your man suddenly gets the idea to assassinate the President, clearly it’s not ok to support him.
Share Your Thoughts
So what do you think men want in a woman and relationships? Do you agree with the things above? Have your own experiences caused you to believe otherwise? Share your thoughts with me below.
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Derek Maak has been writing about relationships for as long as he can remember. He hopes to bring more passion, romance, intimacy, desire, and FUN to every interaction with your loved one. Connect with Derek on Twitter, Facebook, and Google +.