Think about that for a minute and keep it in the back of your mind as you read this post, ok?
It’s an extremely important concept that will help answer a lot of the questions you have about men. Things like…
Why he suddenly pulls away. Why he stops calling or texting you when you thought things were going pretty well. Why he seems to get so angry and defensive when you feel like you’re just offering him love and support. Why he says he needs space. Why he shuts down and won’t talk to you.
Of course none of these things are “simple” issues, but today I want to share something that will give you a huge clue into what’s going on inside your man’s mind when you’re faced with these situations in your own relationship.
But let me back up for just a second…
What Men Secretly Want
Recently I’ve been hearing a lot of “positive relationship chatter” about James Bauer’s new ebook, What Men Secretly Want, and I’ve been trying to track down a copy so I could review it for all of you. Seeing as how the book hasn’t even been fully released yet, it made getting my hands on a copy a little tricky.
There’s a powerful force at work here and to truly understand your man and influence him in a way that gets the positive results you want, you absolutely must shift your perspective and look at the relationship from HIS point of view.
James says it well when he explains…
“While you have every right to your point of view, you will only become empowered to influence him and his decisions when you are able to see the world and your relationship through his eyes.”
The central concept explained in great detail in the What Men Secretly Want PDF ebook is this…
“If given a choice, men would rather be respected than loved.”
Now you might be thinking, “But, Derek, I never disrespect my man. That can’t be the cause of our relationship problems.”
In your mind, maybe not. In his mind, it’s probably a different story. It’s all about the male PERCEPTION of respect and that’s what many women don’t understand.
As James points out…
“Consider that for men, knowing in your own mind that you have respect for him is not enough.”
Just knowing you respect your man and showing him the same level of respect you show the average person isn’t enough. When you understand this concept and how to address it in your relationship, it’s one of the best ways to separate yourself from other women and have a man seeing you as a woman he can be totally committed and devoted to.
What you need to understand is that for men respect IS love and without respect a man won’t feel loved no matter what you say or do.
How To Make A Man Feel Respected (And Therefore Loved)
The way you solve this problem is to allow respect to show up in your communication patterns. This way you show your man that you understand his drive for recognition and respect and you won’t accidentally or unintentionally attack his sense of competence and fuel his insecurities that make him pull away.
James’ ebook is excellent for showing you how to do this.
Respect is key to getting everything you want from a man…
In fact, one of my favorite parts of the entire book is a simple chart on page 18 that has two columns. One column lists typical responses a woman might give a man during different situations (the type that unintentionally make him feel disrespected) and the second column provides examples of how to say the same thing without setting off his “disrespect sensors”.
Update: This chart is now found on page 21 as James has just released a new edition to the program that has added a ton more content and more real world examples to help you understand these principles.
James also explains each example in detail so you know exactly why your man might perceive it as being disrespectful.
These real world examples are key to understanding the concept and one of the reasons I feel James Bauer’s What Men Secretly Want can help teach you how to communicate effectively with your man in a way that won’t unintentionally shatter his ego, question his competence, douse him in insecurity, or cause him to pull away.
James walks you through how to correctly handle common dating scenarios like…
When you want him to choose you and get off the fence
When he misunderstands your texts
When you want to ask him out
When you want him to pursue you with more passion
Men are much more sensitive to disrespect than you would ever imagine which is why it’s so easy to say things that eat at your man and cause him to pull away. Sometimes it’s little by little until all his feelings of love and attraction eventually melt away.
If your man feels this way, he won’t just come out and talk to you about it. But his demeanor will often change and James teaches you how to pick up on this.
Remember, whether you think what you’re saying is disrespectful or not is irrelevant. It’s how your man PERCEIVES it, and if he feels you’re attacking his competence or other insecurities, then it will drive him away.
Much of this has to do with biology and male hormones. It’s simply how men are wired.
By understanding the differences that make your man who he is, you’ll know why he pulls away, what to do and say when he does, and how to turn on his emotional attachment switch that will give you the love, devotion, and commitment you crave.
Just promise me you’ll let me know how it goes when you try these techniques with your man, ok?
See you in the next post,
Derek Maak has been writing about relationships for as long as he can remember. He hopes to bring more passion, romance, intimacy, desire, and FUN to every interaction with your loved one. Connect with Derek on Twitter, Facebook, and Google +.