His eyes. His smile. His raw sexuality and his oh so delicious smell that drives you wild. He’s mesmerizing to be around…
You keep waiting patiently for the day when he will take you in his strong, gentle arms, look you deeply and passionately in the eyes, and almost beg for a committed and monogamous relationship with you. The day when he will be your boyfriend and not just another guy you’ve dated who then flew the coop.
But he remains only a crush…
Because he won’t commit…
He won’t be your boyfriend…
He’s not ready. It’s too soon. He doesn’t want a girlfriend right now. His grandma just got run over by a reindeer. The excuses keep piling up.
If your guy keeps giving you excuses (and that’s exactly what they are…excuses), then there’s a good chance at least one, and probably several, of the following factors are at play.
Let’s get to it…
1.) Bye Bye Options
If you want to learn how to get a guy to be your boyfriend, the first thing you should understand is virtually all men have the fantasy of being the “alpha male” who can sleep with any woman they want. It’s deeply rooted in their biology.
Call it ego-satisfying variety if you will. A guy may not be the alpha stud right now but many guys feel if they were just taller, had more money, faster cars, a bigger house, a larger penis, then they’d get all the hot chicks they could handle.
Is it silly? Yep, but it’s not unlike the unrealistic fantasy a lot of women have about finding a Prince Charming who will be so in love and so smitten by her that he will never even look at or think about being with another woman.
Committing to a relationship (heaven forbid) means killing that fantasy for a lot of guys, especially when it comes to thinking about something like marriage.
2.) Putting Yourself In The Friends Or “Friends With Benefits” Zone Early On
Moving to a sexual relationship too soon can kill your chance for commitment...
This scenario usually goes something like this. You meet a great guy. He’s awesome. You’re totally into him. You think things are going great, but then he drops a bombshell and says something like, “I really don’t want a girlfriend or anything serious right now.”
Not wanting to lose him or be away from him, you make the mistake of saying something like, “That’s cool! I don’t really want a boyfriend right now either” when deep down its killing you not to be his girlfriend.
As soon as you do this, you make him view you as a woman he can fool around with and have fun with, but who he doesn’t have to commit to. Even if down the road you do things that make it very clear you want something more, he probably won’t notice and will continue playing by the first “set of rules”.
It will be extremely hard to get him to change the status quo. After all, why would he want to? He gets to spend time with an incredible and beautiful woman (and possibly even have sex with her) while still being able to go out and date anyone else he wants. In his mind, he’s struck gold.
3.) He’s Been Hurt By Commitment Before
This is usually most prevalent with men who have gone through (and been completely destroyed by) a divorce, but it can also occur with men who have been cheated on or who have been with women who manipulated them, controlled them, or just plain treated them awful. (Guys aren’t the only ones who can be scumbags you know.)
If your man has been burned by commitment before, then it will be much harder to turn him into your boyfriend or husband. To do so, these type of men usually need to feel like there’s a chance they might lose you before they’ll take action to keep you.
4.) He’s A Player
This one is pretty simple. If you’re dating a true player, then he may have no intention of ever committing to anyone.
Some guys don’t want a family, don’t want to be married, are perfectly happy playing the field, sleeping with lots of women, and they have no intention of ever changing that. And they may even be honest and upfront with you about that from the get go.
Unfortunately, many women still get involved with this type of man and mistakenly think they are going to be “the woman who changes him”. You’re better off to just move on.
5.) He’s Already Taken
It’s possible to get involved with a man who is already taken. Maybe he already has a girlfriend. Maybe he even has a wife and a family.
My advice: don’t get involved with a man who is already taken. Period.
One of my favorite relationship experts, Michael Fiore, explains it best when he says…
“Being the “other woman” sucks. There are plenty of awesome single guys out there, and even though a guy will undoubtedly enjoy having two women fight over him, in the end he’s probably going to stay with the woman he already has. It is 100% possible for a guy to be in love with one woman and still sleep with another woman. And being that “other woman” is awful for your self esteem, awful for your social life, and awful for your overall feeling of morality. No matter what he tells you, or no matter how bad he says things are at home, walk away and find somebody single. Don’t be that girl. You’re going to lose.”
I highly recommend checking out Michael’s program, Text The Romance Back, where he discusses how to use confidence and energy to attract men and teaches you how to use text messages to skirt past a man’s defenses and turn him into the romantic Prince Charming you deserve so you can have that commitment you crave.
Lastly, to make him be your boyfriend, you need to understand that love, attraction, and being good in bed aren’t enough to make a man commit (despite what the tabloids want you to believe). Just like you probably have a list of traits that make a man “boyfriend material”, guys also look for certain things that make a woman “girlfriend material”.
This varies from man to man and most guys don’t sit down and write out an actual list of traits like many women have been known to do, but unconsciously you need to fit his criteria of a girlfriend if you want to get him to be your boyfriend.
Factors that play a role in his decision can include things like…
Your attractiveness (both how attractive he thinks you are and how attractive he thinks other guys think you are)
Your confidence and self esteem
Your emotional stability or lack thereof
Your neediness or clinginess
Your sexual abilities
Your motherly instincts
The way you interact with and treat others
Whether or not he feels like he can be the REAL HIM around you without being judged and without you trying to change him
That last concept of the “REAL HIM” is a critical one and one that’s extremely important to understand if you want to get a guy to commit. You’ll understand it a lot better if you watch this video by my buddy TDub Jackson.
Share Your Thoughts
What things have you tried to get a guy to be your boyfriend? Did they work? Do you think any of the above things could be the reason he won’t commit to you? Share your thoughts and experiences below.
Derek Maak has been writing about relationships for as long as he can remember. He hopes to bring more passion, romance, intimacy, desire, and FUN to every interaction with your loved one. Connect with Derek on Twitter, Facebook, and Google +.